Partly Facetious: The most diplomatic editorial

"If you consider animals tell me which animal is the most diplomatic of all."
"Are you out of your mind - diplomacy is entirely a man-made profession and the reason is that it is linked to language".
"I disagree. Animals make sounds as well - there is an attack noise like a growl of a lion and a dog by the way, then there is a hiss of a snake, and an extremely unsettling laugh by the hyena, and animals have sounds for retreat, a cat mews, a dog whines and..."
"Yeah, but you don't have an animal trying to convince a member of another species how it should deal with or even attack a third party, and that is diplomacy a la Trump style!"
"Ah, but Pakistani political scenario challenges the animal kingdom's basic premise: we have a decision maker who is not wearing the crown but who is actually wearing the crown."
"Oh dear! Anyway I would urge the real crown wearer to abandon his same-o, same-o narrative. It never worked in the court room recently and it's not going to work now with Trump."
"What worked before will work again!"
"That principle does not hold for ever. The world keeps changing which necessitates a change in narrative. To claim innocence without presenting any proof and maintaining that a conspiracy is afoot is simply no longer holding any water."
"So you are saying that insisting on our sacrifices in the past is not going to change Trump policy because Trump himself is not the same animal as Bush and Obama?"
"Right, Trump is more of a hippo - goes charging even though the charge is against a sparrow which is not a threat to it while Mian sahib is more like a rhinoceros..."
"I am going to take you to court for defamation, you compare our former prime minister to a beast with a large body and a small brain..."
"No, no please, please, I beg you hear me out - I simply meant Mian sahib is resistant to lessons learned and goes charging into the night...its rather poetic and...oh I am sorry, I take it back...."
"Now who is whining like a..."
"Please forgive me."
"Hmmm, anyway Shahid Khaqan Abbasi appointed a Foreign Minister who is the most undiplomatic of all..."
"Yeah, the goat who begins each sentence with main, main, main....the Urdu version of the sound a goat makes which means I, I, and I while the English version is baa baa baa..."
"Baa baa black sheep?"
"No, I mean the guy is totally but totally undiplomatic and downright abusive to members of the opposition and..."
"How is he with Mian sahib?"
"Like a harmless pet animal that awaits his master's pat on the head and instructions. And there you have it! He is off to the US to destroy what little self respect we have left as a nation!"
"Don't be facetious! This is serious."